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Hi guys I thought it would be "rad" (as they say on the streets) to tell everyone about yourself so we could get a general idea of the type of people playing this fantabulous game, I'm sure it will be a "wizard wheeze" (as they say on the streets).
I am from Great Britain and am 56 year old lollypop man (helps children cross the street - I have been a lollypop man all my life) and during the summer when the kids are on school holiday I pick brambles in the fields. I never married or courted a lady but I keep myself occupied by doing "oddjobs" around the small town where I live, I also have many hobbies including rambling and collecting Tolkein memorabilia, I enjoy MMORPGS because I feel I can make lots of really keen friends and they help me get over my "problems" (but I dont want to talk about that). I live with my mother who I take care of because she is very very poorly and cannot get about on her own anymore, I hope one day I can meet a "ladyfriend" who will share with me the "forbiden fruits" ( I hope to meet her on an MMO)
Thats pretty much my entire life (I play on the RP server by the way,I like to report people who break the rules and so far have filled over 78 complaint tickets, If anyone wants to "hang out" just send me a /tell)
So please tell me about yourself and we can see what sort of community we have here... __________________
Earthen Ring - Glittergoo Dragonvamp (half dragon vampire) whisper me if you wants to RP
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By my own estimation I am pretty much the biggest expert on chicks around. In my 25 years on this planet I have dealt with chicks of all shapes, sizes, colors, and temperaments, and I'm sad to report they basically all suck.
Exceptions to this rule are few and far between, but that's mostly because their teeth were also few and far between and somehow they managed to grow a personality in the place of good dental hygiene. Sometimes they were really fat too.
Because I am so knowledgeable on the subject I thought I would share some of my wisdom with you guys. The stupid bitch across from me says I should always introduce a paper with a thesis, so here you go: There are a lot of different kinds of chicks that suck and I'm going to tell you about them. Mostly this is because they are public eyesores, but sometimes chicks can be ugly on the inside too. This could mean they have cancer or some other disease (which probably means they're bald and way too skinny) or that they have a bad personality. What I'm getting at is that any way you slice it they probably suck, and now I'm going to tell you why.
Ugly chicks
Ugly chicks are kind of like the catch-all of this group because most of the chicks we're talking about are going to be ugly. Just remember that for their ugliness to be its own merit they have to be really, really ugly. Like, so ugly you look at their face and start wondering what their underwear smells like and pretty soon the smell of old chalk and/or tuna starts giving you migraine headaches.
This means that you have to avoid fat chicks at all costs if it's hot outside, which can cause problems if you need to walk by a comparative literature building. This just goes to prove that every woman has a different way of giving you headaches and making you miss out on important stuff.
Ugly chicks with their hair dyed bright colors
These chicks suck because they're trying to draw attention to their faces when they should be directing it somewhere else, i.e. away from their faces. If you are an ugly girl you were born without neon-green hair for much the same reason deer were born without targets on their sides. This is called evolution, which you may recognize as the only thing that is fucking you.
Ugly chicks that think they're pretty
These chicks are gross but they think they're hot shit, which is a lot like a doctor telling you the tumor is malignant and it's spreading to your ballsack. These girls usually look like retarded birds and wear belly shirts so you can see their delightful medley of butterfly tattoos, stretch marks, and hickeys. They will pester the DJ at a party to play a country song and then start hollering and dancing on a table until some poor sap takes one for the team and drags them off to the bedroom. The next morning his dick will be bright green and she'll be deciding whether to name the baby "Delonte" or "Toby Keith Jr."
Ugly chicks that always look kind of dirty
You kind of have to feel bad for these chicks because they look like dogs that just rolled around in something dead, but nobody wants to drag them around back by the scruff and spray them with a hose. I'm not really sure if they're dirty because they don't care or their skin is naturally covered in patches the color of a baby's asshole, but I'm sure as hell not going to get close enough to find out.
Fat ugly chicks
This is like God giving you lemons and you make lemonade, except it's really God throwing funnel cakes at you and you eat them all, and then you wonder why I get all mumbly when you start talking. If you didn't know, it's because I'm used to hearing people who can say three words without stopping for a breather, but then if I give you a mean look to shut you up I want to puke everywhere.
Skinny ugly chicks
Back in school there was this white trash chick who was really ugly and skinny. On top of that I guess she was kind of retarded, because she was always licking her upper lip. This made it look like she always had a Vimto mustache, but her family was so poor they probably had to buy Flavor Aid.
Either way the top of her lip was pink because of her nasty-ass tongue rubbing up against her crustache. Since she didn't really have any boobs or anything and her face was always all stained, you'd think at least one of those pedophile dudes would pick up on her, but she also smelled like burned motor oil really bad. That's probably too much for most people to take, even a child molester.
Chicks in dumb clothes
I know guys are supposed to be the ones with no fashion sense (we also love sports and hate to ask directions, hurrrr), but most chicks aren't quite the fashionistas they're supposed to be. The chicks on my old campus really didn't care what they're were wearing, which in my opinion erases the only advantage they had over the average chimpanzee.
Chicks that always come to class in scrubs
Okay. We get it. You're a nurse. I'm glad you finally found a job that forces men to interact with you. Now that you've saved some lives, maybe you could move into optometry and spare my eyesight by tying a trash bag around your horse face.
First year chicks in senior class t-shirts
"Ooh! This shirt will separate me from all those other college students that didn't graduate high school! I can also use it as a pillow when I drink too much at a party and wake up in a ditch chewing on a used condom! I wonder if 'abortion clinic' will show up on daddy's credit card statement. "
Chicks in those ugly Crocs shoes
The crappy thing about these is nobody has had the idea to make a muzzle out of neon-colored foam. If I wanted to stare at a pair of veiny-ass cankles above a pair of novelty shoes I'd hire a fat clown. I know that's a pretty thin distinction there, but at least clowns open their mouths to do more than blow guys in khaki shorts and talk about Myspace.
Chicks in oversize sunglasses
What bothers me about these is that at some point someone decided they looked good. While I certainly appreciate chicks who look like they came down with cancer and had to borrow some headgear off the invisible man, maybe they could just go the whole route and get cancer and turn invisible. Barring that they could replace the lenses with magnifying glasses and stare at the sun for a couple of hours. I'm not picky.
Chicks that wear sweatpants with writing on them
It could just be me but if I was a fat chick I really wouldn't want to go around advertising the fact that my ass was "juicy." The last time I checked the stuff that comes in Tropicana bottles isn't an opaque yellow-brown color. If they're going to do that they might as well wear a ski cap that says "lumpy" and a bra that says "lopsided."
Boring chicks
I know this is a redundancy like "ugly chicks" or "lesbian liberal arts graduate students" but some people are still convinced that chicks are capable of being interesting outside of a medical research context. Chicks are only capable of talking about, like, five things, and all of them are boring as hell. If experience tells you that statement is untrue, congratulations. You're dating a post-op tranny.
Fat chicks who talk really fast
I'm guessing these chicks talk so fast because they're hungry and years of parental abuse taught them not to eat while people are looking at them. In that sense words are the only thing you will ever see these chicks spit out. The second you stop looking at them they raid the pantry or eat pocket lint or whatever the hell it is they do to drown out the screams of the skinny girl inside of them.
Chicks that always talk about how hard it is to be a chick
This is pretty much the biggest load of crap I've ever heard because if it was so hard to be a chick they'd all be dead. Obviously being a chick isn't harder than deciding on things like "where should I eat" or "what shoes should I wear," since they can't do that without having a nervous breakdown. This goes to show that everything a chick says can be translated to "please make all my decisions for me."
Drunk chicks
These chicks pretty much exist to inform other people that they are drunk, have been drunk, or plan on being drunk. This is because they are stuck in high school, where it is perfectly acceptable to shout "I'M SO DROOOOONNNK" and get deepknuckled in a broom closet. The fortunate thing about these chicks coming to college is that they are prone to yelling that in public and campus rapists are a lot more opportunistic.
Chicks who think they can communicate with their dogs
Someone needs to sit these chicks down and explain to them that they're the only talking dogs in the room. I guess "sitting them down" wouldn't be a problem since the most physical action dog owner chicks get involves peanut butter and a really smelly butter knife, but the point stands.
Miscellaneous chicks
These chicks are like elephants because they're so unique they deserve their own category (also because they're fat and they have huge noses). I didn't really feel like making new categories for all of them so I'm just kind of lumping them all here.
Chicks that stand in the middle of crowded hallways and talk to one another
While I understand it's hard for a chick to go five minutes without telling someone an enthralling story about Facebook, there are better places to stand and have a conversation. The interstate, for instance.
Alternative chicks
I'm pretty sure there's some sort of economic law against "My Dad Molested Me" t-shirts since if you sold them you'd totally totally erase the demand for things like neon green hair dye and cat's eye glasses. The economy always bounces back, though. I'm sure things like soap and laundry detergent would see a huge boost in sales.
Fag hags
I really don't think it's a coincidence that the one guy who wants to spend time with you has no interest in having sex with you, sweetheart.
Fat chicks that walk really slow
If I was a missed shave away from being forced to pull a cart for a living I'd probably speed it up before an Indian put an arrow through my forehead and made a necklace out of my teeth.
Pregnant chicks
These chicks talk about nothing but the things that come out of their vaginas, which isn't too different from most chicks except they're "disabled" or whatever so if you tell them you don't care people think you're rude. If I was a professor and I had one of these chicks in my class I'd ask her a really hard question, and when she got it wrong I'd turn to the class and say "Let's count all the mistakes in the room." If that didn't get her to stop coming to class I'd probably just shove her down a stairwell or something.
I would have done more of these but I didn't have time to break out a slide rule and shit to make sure everything was in its own little category. This is because a certain power-tripping prick is making me write about my favorite movie, which today is Lake Placid, and I need to get it done so I don't have to sit in a conference and stare at her greasy-ass bowl cut for like an hour.
Maybe she should spend less time worrying about my writing and more time building a time machine so she can go back to 1994, when chicks who went their entire careers without bathing were supposed to be attractive. I guess some people get off on 28-year-old uni grads who look like Lisa Loeb swallowed a couple bowling balls, but whatever.
In closing, I would like to restate my thesis that all chicks suck for some reason for another. This is pretty much a scientific fact, so all you chicks can stop gnashing your crooked little baby corn teeth and write a nasty email to your friend because you're not in her Top Eight or whatever. Dumbasses. |
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Woohoo
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Dec. 4th, 2006 @ 10:09 pm
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5 more days to go till ill be in madisons! |
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We must go to the world now -whereever God directs us to go - telling lost souls about our wonderful Lord Jesus! |
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dead
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May. 20th, 2006 @ 02:32 pm
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| » It's been a while since i've blatantly stole someone else's work |
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so here I go:
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris has yet to get a Jeopardy question wrong. Jesus has missed two.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Of course he can't shoot out of his finger. The German died of fright.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris
did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every
popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and [censored] on their floor, just
because he's Chuck Norris.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't no no with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with
five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to
limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the
actors he fights.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If
you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.",
then you are dead wrong.
Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have
a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in
every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the [censored] out of viruses.
That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he
can "accidentally" beat the $!@% out of little kids.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "BOOYAH".
On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.
Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.
It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it
In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in Total Recall.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win?
Chuck Norris
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed into a robot.
In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Chuck Norris invented water.
Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following
symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it.
Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.
In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks
Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt his beer.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living $!@% out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks
Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your &#&$%ion lasts for more than 4 hours. His &#&$%ions have been known to last for up to 15 days.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor
wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler
did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by
Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris punched a woman in the !@!@!@ when she didn't give him exact change.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just
bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was working out in the gym with one of his daughter-in-laws. In an attempt to impress Norris, she started to train really hard. When she asked Chuck if he was impressed, he replied with "Weights don't hit back" and broke her neck with a roundhouse.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris ate 12 asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won.
Whoever told you there are special effects in the Matrix is lying. For the 360 degree scenes, they just attached a camera to Chuck Norris's left foot.
Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
When cops pull Chuck Norris over, he writes THEM a ticket. And they never take it to court.
Nov. 21st, 2005 @ 03:48 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Sep. 10th, 2005 @ 12:56 pm
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| » Roy Orbison wraped in clingfilm |
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It always starts the same way. I am in the garden airing my terrapin Jetta when he walks past my gate, that mysterious man in black.
'Hello Roy,' I say. 'What are you doing in Dusseldorf?'
'Attending to certain matters,' he replies.
'Ah,' I say.
He apprises Jetta's lines with a keen eye. 'That is a well-groomed terrapin,' he says.
'Her name is Jetta.' I say. 'Perhaps you would like to come inside?'
'Very well.' He says.
Roy Orbison walks inside my house and sits down on my couch. We talk urbanely of various issues of the day. Presently I say, 'Perhaps you would like to see my cling-film?'
'By all means.' I cannot see his eyes through his trademark dark glasses and I have no idea if he is merely being polite or if he genuinely has an interest in cling-film.
I bring it from the kitchen, all the rolls of it. 'I have a surprising amount of clingfilm,' I say with a nervous laugh. Roy merely nods.
'I estimate I must have nearly a kilometre in the kitchen alone.'
'As much as that?' He says in surprise. 'So.'
'Mind you, people do not realize how much is on each roll. I bet that with a single roll alone I could wrap you up entirely.'
Roy Orbison sits impassively like a monochrome Buddha. My palms are sweaty.
'I will take that bet,' says Roy. 'If you succeed I will give you tickets to my new concert. If you fail I will take Jetta, as a lesson to you not to speak boastfully.'
I nod. 'So then. If you will please to stand.'
Roy stands. 'Commence.'
I start at the ankles and work up. I am like a spider binding him in my gossamer web. I do it tight with several layers. Soon Roy Orbison stands before me, completely wrapped in cling-film. The pleasure is unexampled.
'You are completely wrapped in cling-film,' I say.
'You win the bet,' says Roy, muffled. 'Now unwrap me.'
'Not for several hours.'
'Ah.'
I sit and admire my handiwork for a long time. So as not to make the ordeal unpleasant for him we make small talk on topical subjects, Roy somewhat muffled. At some point I must leave him to attend to Jetta's needs. When I return I find he has hopped out of my house, still wrapped in cling-film. The loss leaves me broken and pitiful. He never calls me. He sends no tickets. The police come and reprimand me. Jetta is taken away, although I get her back after a complicated legal process.
There is only one thing that can console me. A certain dream, a certain vision...
It always starts the same way.
Aug. 29th, 2005 @ 01:19 pm
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| » TEH UBERTRON 2000 |
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i am ubertron2000 and i seek to spread the joy. i am so uber. and sexy. rarawrk!!!1
Jul. 24th, 2005 @ 09:21 pm
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| » Pirate stuff |
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sorry some of you need to pull double shifts, which looks like ant and pete. so haha.
Your capable first mate: varimademe
Your bumbling cabin boy with a heart of gold: new_peteland
The aloof, yet honorable, pirate with a mysterious past: caffeinebomb
Is always the first one into the fray: daaave_the_pimp
Is the naval officer who ruthlessly pursues your ship: varimademe
Is the comical pirate who is always drunk on grog: daaave_the_pimp
Is currently in Davy Jones's locker: new_peteland
The amount of money you make as a pirate: $61,682
Jul. 4th, 2005 @ 11:52 pm
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| » p|-|34r /\/\3|-| 1337 5111zzzz!!!11 |
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Be afraid. Im a going to pawn you. and you and you. da da da!!!!11
i am the height of gnome rocket technology and stealth and killing. teehee hee. im going to ambush you to nothingness.
Jun. 24th, 2005 @ 06:29 pm
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| » 3 |
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im now on 3. which makes me better than you.
May. 23rd, 2005 @ 03:50 pm
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| » Chanje of meh name!!! coz i am fearable |
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from now on you wlil all call me BENEDICT BENZINE!!111 for its si now my name. anbd what a name it si. i thought about jac but thats not as good as PROFESSOR BENEDICT BENZINE!!1111111111 i am a world renonded super scientists and arch nemesos!!!!!11 your nemesisiss which si waht i am!1 ph34r m3h111111111
Jan. 21st, 2005 @ 02:30 pm
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| » KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH! |
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I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm.
II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System.
III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns).
IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.
V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing What he reads.
IT IS SO WRITTEN! SO BE IT. HAIL DISCORDIA! PROSECUTORS WILL BE TRANSGRESSICUTED.
Aug. 19th, 2004 @ 01:57 pm
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| » angst wit a vengonce |
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i been aways fro aegs coz im so angst ridden. fuck the system man and ma parents are to blame for everyfink. i think the world wid beh better if everyone fucked the system yo yoy o. i know coz im a 15 yearold girl and so fdull of angst. i know everything.
lol i got drunk the other night eriugniuqrgnuinirnglololololollmao!!!!11 i am ze kewl.
Jul. 28th, 2004 @ 02:27 am
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| » stalker liek tendanceys |
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there cuold be ver good reasons as to why gilrs leik this sexeah one are not allowed near meh. Or is it me them? Must hnut tehm all down adn maek tehm mine!!!!1
Jul. 7th, 2004 @ 04:19 am
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| » FNORD!! |
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Fnord?
Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without the herbs.
Fnord is that funny feeling you get when you reach for the
Snickers bar and come back holding a slurpee.
Fnord is the 43 1/3rd state, next to Wyoming.
Fnord is this really, really tall mountain.
Fnord is the reason boxes of condoms carry twelve instead of ten.
Fnord is the blue stripes in the road that never get painted.
Fnord is place where those socks vanish off to in the laundry.
Fnord is an arcade game like Pacman without the little dots.
Fnord is a little pufflike cloud you see at 5pm.
Fnord is the tool the dentist uses on unruly patients.
Fnord is the blank paper that cassette labels are printed on.
Fnord is where the buses hide at night.
Fnord is the empty pages at the end of the book.
Fnord is the screw that falls from the car for no reason.
Fnord is why Burger King uses paper instead of foam.
Fnord is the little green pebble in your shoe.
Fnord is the orange print in the yellow pages.
Fnord is a pickle without the bumps. Fnord is why ducks eat trees.
Fnord is toast without bread. Fnord is a venetian blind without the slats.
Fnord is the lint in the navel of the mites that eat
the lint in the navel of the mites that eat
the lint in Fnord's navel.
Fnord is an apostrophe on drugs.
Fnord is the bucket where they keep the unused serifs for H*lvetica.
Fnord is the gunk that sticks to the inside of your car's fenders.
Fnord is the source of all the zero bits in your computer.
Fnord is the echo of silence.
Fnord is the parsley on the plate of life.
Fnord is the sales tax on happiness.
Fnord is the preposition at the end of sixpence.
Fnord is the feeling in your brain when you hold your breath too long.
Fnord is the reason latent homosexuals stay latent.
Fnord is the donut hole.
Fnord is the whole donut.
Fnord is an annoying series of email messages.
Fnord is the color only blind people can see.
Fnord is the serial number on a box of
cereal.
Fnord is the Universe with decreasing entropy.
Fnord is a naked woman with herpes simplex 428.
Fnord is the yin without yang.
Fnord is a pyrotumescent retrograde onyx obelisk.
Fnord is why lisp has so many parentheses.
Fnord is the the four-leaf clover with a missing leaf.
Fnord is double-jointed and has a cubic spline.
Fnord never sleeps.
Fnord is the "een" in baleen whale.
Fnord is neither a particle nor a wave.
Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your screen.
Fnord is the guy that writes the Infiniti ads.
Fnord is the nut in peanut butter and jelly.
Fnord is an antebellum flagellum fella.
Fnord is a sentient vacuum cleaner.
Fnord is the smallest number greater than zero.
Fnord lives in the empty space above a decimal point.
Fnord is the odd-colored scale on a dragon's back.
Fnord is the redundant coin slot on arcade games.
Fnord was last seen in Omaha, Nebraska.
Fnord is the founding father of the phrase "founding father".
Fnord is the last bit of sand you can't get out of your shoe.
Fnord is Jesus's speech advisor.
Fnord keeps a spare eyebrow in his pocket.
Fnord invented the green hubcap.
Fnord is why doctors ask you to cough.
Fnord is the "ooo" in varooom of race cars.
Fnord uses two bathtubs at once.
I cannot escape them
No matter how I try
They wait for me everywhere
I cannot pass them by.
Driving down the street
I see "Jesus Is Lord"
And then immediately after
I hear the word "FNORD!"
Innocuous sayings and parables
And on the evening news
I hear the word "FNORD!"
And suddenly I'm confused
I sit alone in my room
And I'm feeling rather bored
I turn on the tube and guess what
I hear the word "FNORD!"
"Don't see the fnords and they won't eat you"
That's what I've heard the wisemen say
But I can't get away from those beasties
There's just no fucking way.
You actually got his far,
impressive.
YAR!!
Jun. 21st, 2004 @ 09:01 pm
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| » I went to greggs again today!!!!!1 |
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MUNGA-MUNGA!!!!11!!!
Jun. 3rd, 2004 @ 01:52 pm
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| » I hate goths more than you. |
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today i'm going to change me name to Goth McAngst. I am then going to sit around and do fuck all every day, except wander aimlessly around Glasgow. Then i'm going to complain to everyone that approaches me how the system is against me and how unfair life is cause I never seem to get anywhere. How fucking surprising. I hate goths.
May. 28th, 2004 @ 06:03 pm
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| » Because I am teh rawk at teh simz. and j00 sux0rz |
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i am writing this guide of help for the simz as i am the best at gaming. althought i never have played much i am the king at warcraft 3 and as that is the best game ever the sims cannot be muhc mroe difficult.
kk heer we go. get ready.
ninja without doubt r the kewlest things everr, except pirates and monsters made of mashmallows - but having them in the sims would be silly. your neighbouring sims will all give you all there money and phat lewt when they see you. dress as a ninja to impress ther ladies as well. noone can resist your misteerious charms. here is a pic of a ninja man in action. you want him yes? WELL YOU CANT HAVE HIM, HE IS MINE!!
but you can learn all about reall ninjas here http://www.realultimatepower.net/
Now this is what a typical scene in the sims looks like. you may be thinging that "why is theer a big space that noone is there but three" well i shall tell you. it is not only because the dj is not wiggidy-wiggidy-shwaaaaa but to give room forthe ninjas to fight. just imagine if you ninjas had no room to fight, what sort of fighting game would this be then? not good. My prude OF A FUCKING GIRLFREIND THAT WONT EVEN SLEEP WIHT MEH IS HERE. and oh look WITH ANOTHER MAN!!!1 Ninja bob will kill him first.
This is a scene that happens alot in the sims, especially when your a pervy dan waiting for shelly to use the simming pool to sneak a peak. ohg well, we live and learn. Ninja bob actually secretly killed him. that is because i am skilled at the art of stealth assassination. please note however is bob was a pirate he could of killed them all with his eye beams, sadly he is only a ninja and is still bound be the laws of physics. He had to wait under the water for hours till pervy dan showed up :( at least the view was good ;)
Fire is a very important tactic in war. Fire will burn your enemies whilst keeping your food warm and socks tosted. In the all engulfing conflagration your sims will start to giggle with glee. The enemy sims that neighbour your houses might start to try and put put the flames - they will be delt with later do not worry.
Children annoy meh. But what can you do with them, pretty much nothing. Except by letting them starve to death down some big pit, quitely pissing themselves until the cold clammy hand of death claims them, works for me. Note the dimensions of the pit, too high for the little bastards to climb out of. the pit is cheap to make and can be used again and again. it is also good for the enviroment as the decaying corpse will soon fertilise the soil.
Do not fear death though, he comes to all my parties. he si a real fun guy.
If your neighbours are really annoying you invite them round to your house wait till they go into a room and remove all the doors. You can then sit back and watch the annoying gits starve to death. do not think this is a bad thing to do though. when you starve to death your body starts to eat away all your body fat so you become nice and thin. what a beautiful death i am giving to these people, i am like the giver of lovely presents. like a big fat santa claus.
Right about now all you lucky peoeple are obveosly thinking to youslefs that" i want to sims. it si good looking game." but please be forwarned or you will end up like this unfortunate woman/man/thingy. thids is infact what all woman onthe internety lok like. N.B. pr0n is lying to us, good looking woman do not exist.
and there you have it folks. soon you to can be wiping out the foul enemies of your families in the sims to. what agreat war game this is.
May. 23rd, 2004 @ 05:00 pm
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